Monday, August 11, 2008

Arsenal Sign New Manager!

Morning all. I have a very special announcement for you all today. Arsenal have decided that Arsene Wenger has no idea what he's doing, and they're moving on. They've found a new manager, and he's just what everyone has been hoping for. He's got a much better track record than Wenger, who of course only won three league titles and four FA Cups and is Arsenal's most successful manager ever. This manager has guaranteed that he will win the title, the FA Cup, the Carling Cup, and the Champions League every year. Losing a single game is unacceptable, which is good because he has never lost one in his career.

He's also promised a whole host of signings. Clearly Denilson, Diaby, and Ramsey are no good so he will bring in Gareth Barry to partner Cesc in the middle. Barry might not be enough though because our "squad" still won't be big enough, so he'll also invest in Xabi Alonso AND Yaya Toure. At striker he's going to fulfill everyone's desires by buying David Villa, Klaas-Jan Huntelaar, and Samuel Eto'o. That should make us stronger up front. Never mind if it affects Vela or Walcott or Bendtner's development, because our new manager doesn't concern himself with the future.

Arsenal's debt they had to pay off was clearly made up, because the new manager has spent over 150 million pounds on players to make sure our squad is "strong" enough right now and wants to make every fan happy. So it turns out Arsene Wenger just used that whole "debt" thing as a way to not spend any money and not try to improve the club. In fact, the whole thing was his attempt to sabotage Arsenal and make them never win anything again. He figured he had won enough to get away with never winning again, so his new goal was to last as long as possible without a trophy.

And perhaps best of all, this manager is an Englishman. Clearly these foreigners don't know how to manage football clubs, because every time they try in England (Mourinho, Ferguson, Wenger, Benitez) they fail horribly. He'll probably use the rest of his alleged 300 million pound transfer budget to buy a lot of English born players who are clearly top quality, like David Bentley, Jermaine Pennant, and maybe even John Terry, who we all love. So we have that to look forward to because Arsenal should definitely not employ all these foreign types.

So now the presentation of this new manager who we will all love for years and years to come, who will fulfill all of our ambitions and buy every player we've ever wanted to see in an Arsenal kit...

Here he is!!!

Oh wait, he doesn't exist. There isn't a manager like that. Man, I was really excited there for a minute. Guess we're stuck with Wenger for now....



Go USA!

29 comments:

dav3 said...

fuck u

Anonymous said...

that was just odd.
especially on an arsenal blog.
what was the point.

Anonymous said...

'tis clearly sarcasm??

Anonymous said...

WTF
Pointless n stupid
new sumfin ws wrong wne u sed arsenne wenger ws gone coz he aint
u jus hve 2 much tym on ur hands fool
gt a life...

ArseNole said...

Clearly you don't understand sarcasm

ChuckE said...

So many clueless fans out there. Difficult to see how some fans get through a whole season with so little to look forward to from their chosen club

shanur said...

u fukin fool whatz the point of saying this you stupid gt a life man

Anonymous said...

fuck dick head, this arsenal not chelsea why do you go support team like that.

Anonymous said...

u time wasting CUNT...

it cud hav at least been funnny or hav some punch line........

Again, u CUNT!

Anonymous said...

you fucking chelski fan go and farth your money there

Anonymous said...

this was about as funny as your podcast is a high quality piece of broadcasting..not very!

Dan said...

I think this is a tongue-in-cheek dig at all posters of comments on here that don't completely correlate with the authors'...very petty and as some other people have commented 'not funny'.

This is a serious time for our club: we've seen somewhat of an exodus of what little experience we had in our squad this summer and no proven premiership players brought in. Some of these Arsenal bloggers need to see the light a little in that although we boast some of the brightest young stars in the world, we still need to supplement and balance them with experience.

None of your critics want to see Mr Wenger go, or be replaced with the "manager" spoken of in the article. He's made the club what it is, but unfortunately, he's obviously not had enough constructive criticism in the past three trophy-less seasons that he should have. Just like the author needs some constructive criticism in that his blogs should be more balanced.

Anonymous said...

I loved the article. Absolutely brilliant. It's funny because that's what everyone seems to want nowadays. Great article mate, funny too!

Anonymous said...

This was really quite funny.
I did'nt know so many simple minded individuals read this blog.

A TRUE Arsenal fan should be the one to chuckle the most of this, but then again, those are hard to come by nowadays.

"He'll probably use the rest of his alleged 300 million pound transfer budget to buy a lot of English born players who are clearly top quality"

I like that a lot. The irony is fantastic.

Keep up the good work. Forget the fake gooners

Ben.

ArseNole said...

lol it's amazing to read the contrasting comments on this post. How do people say I should go support Chelsea when the whole article is clearly about how I want to be the complete opposite of what they are? I think it must be a lot of 10 year olds reading because they don't see what I'm getting at.

and Dan I think my posts are pretty balanced as blogs go, I do criticize where criticism is due, but I think people are making too big a deal out of the lack of signings. We were close to the title last year and I think we're better now than we were then.

Milot Mehmeti said...

omg ppl are you retard or what ? this is the best article ever, everything had point but only those who use their brain will understand it, only those who really know what's best for arsenal...

Bigbob said...

lol, don't people get it?
This is blatantly in replay to all the comments flying around about Wenger's transfer policy's and not having a strong enough squad and the fact he's not spending any money, and giving them a big fuck u we don't care what you think V sign. :)

Learn to read between the lines people before you start flaming on the comments.

Anonymous said...

Great dig at the nay-sayers mate - true fans will know the point you're making... Love it!

Anonymous said...

The first few responders seem to have reading comprehension deficits and miss the point. Thus far we've been well served by a magnificent manager. But questions are arising regarding Wenger's philosophy of thrift and development which seem to over-ride other club ambitions such as silverware. The absence of title winning quality in the current side following another barren spell only brings these questions into sharper relief.

Our current team is too young and lacks sufficient quality to compete for titles or trophies. It is fun to watch young players developing but that's been all there is to look forward to the last few years. Fans seems to think Ade or Rvp could ever fill Henry's shoes, factually speaking they couldn't shine his shoes. Neither could cesc replace vieira's all around game. Has anyone noticed that the overall standard at afc has dropped markedly as the youth policy has insidiously become the club's central focus?

Theo hasn't matured or developed his game to justify his transfer fee, he and others should have been loaned out the last some years to gain much needed experience. Jack has ability and may get some games, that is until some one steps on him. If the spuds don't lose berba they could become a nuisance, they've strenthened no denying.

Wenger doesn't have time to consider buying because he's too busy freakin' out about Twente? no kidding, really? that's encouraging. Is wenger such a tight ass that he'll only spend at the last second to save half a million quid so we can bring in a player who will know nothing of our system until the season is underway?


That said I think we have enough to finish third, but forget silverware.

Rob said...

Brilliant Blog!!!

Even as a Man Utd supporter I think Wenger is a brilliant manager. There is too much criticism of him in the media. A better manager is very hard to find. Your blog kept my attention and was very funny. I like the little shot at Chelsea and how theyre run. Most of the readers cannot see the sercasm in your writting, but then again theyre probably brain dead.

Mike said...

LOL I liked it dude. While there are times when I'd like to see us pay a little more to our established players, I don't understand how fans of Chelsea and Man Utd can stand it when each year they are after another hired gun with no connection to the team or fans.

JH92 said...

gd post. mr arsenole 4 ur next podcast could u talk about if we should sign one more player? do u think walcott can make it at arsenal and be a gr8 player 4 the club? theo had an awful amsterdam tournament and he seems to lack positioning and awarness and becomes to predictable, would u put this down to him only have his first kick of a football at the age of 15 and just starting to play the game at 16. compare him to cesc who started kicking a soccer ball when he was 2 yeards old, he would have a gr8ter knowledge of the game. If theo can make it at the gunners do u think he will be a winger or striker? If RVP and Rosicky have another injury plagued season should we sell them and buy new players? How do u think Wilshere will go this season? what r ur predictions 4 this year? how long to u believe cesc will stay at arsenal, will he stay his whole career?

CHEERS

GO AUSTRALIA!!!

JH92 said...

also i think denilson is ok playing next to cesc but i wish he was a bit more tigerish like flamini and a bit more harder. he struggles with his tackling denilson. i would love song to play next 2 cesc though. could u give me some information on this inler bloke who we r interested in?

Gooner4life said...

whoa there! u almost freaked me out! for the first few paragrapghs i actually believed u and i was pretty worried that Arsenal would become another chelshit.
on a different note, its an extremely well written article and it really depicts what many Arsenal fans seem to want.
i wouldnt say that these arent true fans or that the real Arsenal fans would stick by Wenger through and through. Everyone who supports the club is a fan even if their principles of running the club are different. Arsenal have always worked with a youth policy and they always will and they will win trophies sometime very soon(this season or next).But i do think we need one more player in the midfield. Not barry or alonso or somebody else in the peak age of 26 -29. somebody whos is actually old. like marcos senna.I miss the likes of gilberto and Vieira too. getting somebody who would retire in 2 to 3 years. this wouldnt hurt the morale of developing players like ramsey and denilson and definitely beef up a midfield which I think is a little too young.
Nasri-21
Fabregas-21
Denilson-20
Walcott-19
An average age of 20 in the midfield does freak me out a bit, and i doubt they can take the shit from manure or chelshit(literally!) at the big end of the season and once again we will be lamenting on how close we were to silverware in 08-09.
to end this looooooong rant, i say get 1 old dude like senna, but dont change the ethic or the gr8 football club that is Arsenal

Gooner4life said...

its 4 30 in the morning from where i'm posting this, so excuse ALL the typos in the previous comment

Anonymous said...

screw u man...u bloddy spud..

Anonymous said...

I thought the post was good, and understand totally what you are saying. I would agree that the people giving you grief dont really understand it and probably are kids. In fairness to them, though, they are showing they love Wenger, and so are proper fans. Fact is we all love Wenger and rightly so... He would be the all time biggest loss at arsenal, not any player.

Anyway, on this Midfield topic, has anyone heard the rumour that Arsene has made enquiries to have Viera back for a season on loan to develop the kids. I think hes past his best,, but would certainly help the development of the young guns. Any one have any thoughts.

Loz

Sid said...

why don't u learn sarcasm first n then write this stuff?
This looks way too much odd...

Anonymous said...

I can't wait for the season to start so that our new manager can win everything for us. Will it be enough though. Can we enter the reserves in the UEFA cup so we can win that as well.