I'm Going to Marry Cesc's Sister, Portsmouth Preview

Hello everybody. How's your Friday going? First home match of the year is tomorrow, and we're playing Portsmouth, who are shite. In face, they're probably going to get relegated. I've put some money on Arsenal to win -2 goals, so we pretty much need to win by three for me to get paid. I'd very much appreciate it if you could pull that off Arsenal.

Theo Walcott, Rosicky, Djourou, and Nasri are all out with injuries, and Carlos Vela is apparently sick at home with Spattergroit. I really have no idea what has happened to Vela, but I wish he'd get a chance to play sometime, yet there's been no sign of him. Eduardo is passed fit for tomorrow's match though and he could maybe make a start.

We need a win, simple enough. For one, I can't handle seeing Sp*rs at the top of the table, and for two, we need to keep ahead of Man U after their loss to Burnley. We play them next weekend too so this match is really important to take all three points from. I don't think that sentence even made sense but you know what I'm getting at.

There's really not a whole lot more to say about the match. Let's just get three points and get it done and get out of there. That's like the shortest preview I've ever done but I really can't think of a lot to say about it. I'd expect to see most of the same team we've had for the other two matches to play, but maybe we'll give Song or Denilson a rest along with RvP. Diaby could start or Ramsey could start, but we'll see.

Now on to more important topics.

I've figured out how to be related to Cesc Fabregas. It's going to be tricky, and take a lot of work since she lives in Barcelona, but I've got the right attitude and resolve to see that I complete this goal of mine. You see, I've decided I'm going to marry Cesc's sister, Carlota. How am I going to pull this off you ask? Well. That's the tricky part. I suppose I'll just move to Barcelona and woo her with my delightful American charm. I haven't really thought it through much more than that, but that's the plan anyway. I can cook pretty well too, seeing as how I do attend culinary school. Now I just have to learn to speak Catalan. I believe with hard work and perserverance and a lot of luck, I'll soon be related to the Arsenal captain. Love it.

Wish me luck.

C'mon you Gunners.

Cheers.