Arsenal's Problems All Down To Teeth, Bring in Lorik Cana

Morning all. How are things? I'm doing just swell, except the whole not having any money thing is getting a little old. So when you're wondering, "Hmm, I wonder why the ArseNole hasn't posted in 3 days..." it's probably because I'm sitting around trying to think of a way to make money without getting a second job. I tried the lottery, but amazingly I did not win. I think I'm going to branch out into sketch comedy or something else that will be completely hilarious and cause people to throw kajillions of dollars at me, so I can just sit around and write about Arsenal all the time. That's the plan.

So what's new with Arsenal, you ask? Well, not a lot really. Not a lot besides discovering the cause of all of Arsenal's problems! Actually just Robin van Persie's injury problems, but if you figure we have a fully fit RvP for the full season, it could definitely solve some of the problems we have had. His doctors say that the reason he suffers from so many muscle injuries is because of his wisdom teeth.

"I fear I'll be forced to drink porridge through a straw. My osteopaths think there may be a connection between my teeth and the muscle injuries I suffer."

That's a bit odd isn't it? How bad does that suck that you get a couple more teeth in and suddenly you're pulling groins and hamstrings and every other muscle that isn't anywhere near your teeth.

"It could have an influence on the recovery time my body needs after an injury. Three of the four specialists I chose were rejected by the club."

Both of my Grandpa's are dentists, so I wonder if the club would approve either of them for the operation. I know they've done a lot of wisdom teeth in the past so maybe we can get RvP over here to Florida and get that done. If somehow this has been contributing to his muscle injuries and removing the teeth makes him stay more fit, I'll be absolutely amazed and thrilled. We all know what an important player he is when he's fully fit so let's hope he gets this done and it has the effect they say it will for him.

The other news is not really news at all, but Cesc wants Xabi Alonso at Arsenal. Of course we've heard this before, just last summer, but we didn't get him or anyone else for central midfield.

"We need someone in the middle to make competition and make a difference, plus give us a new dimension. I think that is all we need. The rest is perfect. Xabi would be great. He's experienced and can score goals. I'm sure the boss is aware of that fact."

Yes, Xabi is a good passer, he does have experience, and he can score goals. However, he does not kill people. I'd like to have someone in our team that loves killing. Patrick Vieira would not have hesitated to kill someone, and we need that mentality in the team. Lorik Cana is exactly the type of player I'd like to have. He's the captain of Marseille currently and he pretty much smokes chumps and lights up fools all over the field. He's a f***ing animal really and if you don't believe me watch this video. I've watched him in several Marseille matches and I just really like what he does on the field. Who knows if Arsene thinks he's Arsenal material though.

And that, ladies and gentleman, is all I have today. I'd like to say I'll do a podcast soon, but I pretty much can't guarantee anything with how my schedule is lately. Class every day, Karaoke on Tuesday, Poker Wednesday, the Baseball all weekend. It's hectic I tell you. I need to get a sponsor for that thing. Or sell drugs. That would make it way easier.

Alright, I'll get back to you all tomorrow. Subscribe to the website if you haven't already. Follow me on twitter, for the good of your souls. Follow Miley Cyrus too, cuz she is my future baby mama. Hit me up on my Myspace. Or Ole Ole. Or join the forums so we can get those started back up again. Just do all of the above. It will make supporting Arsenal THAT much more fun for all of us.